


Normal

by wildwordwomyn



Series: Friends With Benefits [8]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Sexual Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-18
Updated: 2007-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildwordwomyn/pseuds/wildwordwomyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen starts to pick up the pieces of his broken heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Normal

The next day you go to work as normal. Chris and Steve try their damndest to make you call off again but the professional in you refuses. As soon as you step out of your Expedtion you take on the roll of Jensen. Not like you haven’t before. And you need the roll to get through the day. As you pass everyone you laugh, make idle chit chat, pretend. When Jay arrives ten  minutes later you smile politely, greet him as if he’s a stranger, even going so far as to calling him by his given name. When his eyes widen in hurt you silently congratulate yourself on your victory. And go on about your day. You do your job, because you like to earn that paycheck, but nothing more. And it shows. Kripke yells at you to get your ‘head out of your ass’. You laugh like that won’t be a problem and step up your game. They say pride goeth before the fall, and it’s true about you…

After pretending with all your might day one of _Operation: Survival_ ends. You are exhausted. Who knew lying could wear you out? Chris and Steve are waiting for you at your condo. They’ve cleaned and cooked and been total housewives, which makes you laugh for real. You are even able to forget about Jay for an hour or two. Your friends drink with you, joke with you, jam with you in a balls-out music session that leaves your voice hoarse and your t-shirt soaked with sweat. By the time you go to bed the tiredness in your mind is welcome. Of course, sleeping is a little more difficult. Jay lives too much in your dreams, and when you call out for him, at least four times by Chris’s count, they finally crawl into bed with you. It goes beyond the boundary of male friendship and delves into intimacy but you’re too desperate to care. You greet them with open arms.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Chris whispers when he finds Steve at your kitchen table holding a mug of hot Earl Grey tea. It is 3:24 am, and you, thankfully, are down for the count.

“What are we gonna do?” he asks softly, pulling out a chair for Chris.

“Don’t know, man.” He rubs at his eyes roughly. “Never seen him so broken before. Never thought it was even possible, you know? And now...” Steve nods. “Half of me wants to beat his ass bloody. The other half understands, which is a real bitch!” He groans. “If I hadn’t moved out to LA and met you, I’d be the same way. I mean _you _changed _me_. But Jay?...Until Jen he didn’t know any different. I get why he’s so damn scared. And I hate myself for it,” he finishes guiltily.

“Yeah. I know. Truth is I feel the same way. I wouldn’t do what he’s done, but I understand why he’s done it…” Steve trails off, his gaze drifting out of the kitchen window.

“When we got together did you…you know…?” Steve gets that this is Chris-speak for ‘freaking out’. He wants to know if Steve thought about running from him.

“Yeah! I may be from California but I’m still a guy. Until you I assumed I was straight!” He chuckles then stops when he wonders if he’ll wake you up.

“Me too. I mean I thought I was too,” he replies, smiling at Steve.

They continue the muted conversation for another hour before going back to your bed. Three hours later your alarm beeps and you shoot up. You distract yourself with your morning routine. Pissing, showering, shaving, brushing your teeth, dressing, putting in your contacts. You leave the two of them snuggled up together and head out. Time passes slowly as you try not to want too much from your ex-lover who plays your brother. But it does pass. As does the day after that and the day after that, until two weeks roll by. Chris and Steve go back home and you keep it together. Your heart still breaks but you don’t. Not anymore.


End file.
